Five to six percent of youngsters are bullies and only seven to nine percent are their targets. That leaves 85% at bystanders to bullying. That is a silent majority. Children who are chronic bullies seem to remain bullies as adults. This will be a school-wide effort, teachers, playground aides, parents, especially students.  Students want teachers to intervene to stop bullying and teasing. Children are reluctant to get involved and do not know how to avoid problems with bullies if there is adult indifference.

What does Bullying look like and sound like?

v   Bullying is unfair and one-sided. Bullying occurs repeatedly, over a long period of time.

v   Usually, the victim will be upset whereas the bully is cool and in control.

v   Bullies are intentionally mean and hurtful to other children on a regular basis.

v   Bullies exert power and control over their targets (older, physically larger, socially with it). Their power grows stronger if it is not dealt with.

v   Bullying is usually done in secret away from adults

v   Boys usually bully alone, girls usually bully in groups

v   Direct Bullying: physical violence, taunting and teasing, threats of violence, and extortion or theft.

v   Indirect bullying: name calling, spreading rumors, and exclusion from a peer group. Indirect bullying socially isolates children.

v   Targets may not know who is doing the bullying.

v   Bullies get satisfaction from inflicting injury and suffering.

v   Bullies have little empathy or compassion.

v   Bullying usually occurs within one age group. Mixed age groups aggression seems to be reduced. Nurturing, protecting, helping younger children seems to occur.

v   Bullies often lie, deny their activity, or blame the target, making intervention hard.

v   Bullies are more willing to solve their problems by fighting.

v    Bullying can turn into criminal behavior. When bullies, confiscate money, aggressively hit, verbally harass, these are technically crimes of extortion, assault and slander.

What is a target?

v   Target may not want to go to school, may lose interest in studying, change in eating or sleeping behaviors.

v   Bullying cause emotional and physical distress.

v   Targets feel isolated, depressed, have low self-esteem, are anxious and insecure.

v   Targets are loners who could cry easily, or lack social self-defense skills.

v   Targets are unable to deflect a conflict with humor and don't think quickly on their feet.

v   Some targets are "proactive victims," who tease bullies and are easily aroused emotionally.

v   Physical characteristics like weight, dress, eyeglasses, could cause them to be targets.

v   Targets need to understand it is not their fault.

v    Children who are not bullied have better social skills and conflict management skills. They are more willing to assert themselves about differences without being aggressive or confronting. They suggest compromises and alternate solutions. They are aware of people's feelings and are the children who can be most helpful I resolving disputes and assisting other children to get help. (Specifically talk to kids about these behaviors and roleplay what they look like.)

Coaching the target:

v   Listen to the target child so they will feel that their concerns are taken seriously and they will continue to report offenses.

v   Teach them social skills to defuse situations and walk away from developing conflict.

v   Teach alternate ways of conflict resolution and how to be assertive.

v   Teach them how to make friends and how to apologize.

v   Provide cooperative learning activities to reduce social isolation.

v   Teach them to ignore the bully and not react to the bully.

v   Tell the bully to stop, then walk away and tell an adult.

v   Teach children to say, "Don't touch me," or "Leave me alone."

v   Instruct children not to hit back.

v   Teach kids to stand up straight, stay calm. (What does assertive body language look like and sound like?)

v    Identify what has and has not worked in the past. Help them generate solutions for the future.

Coaching the bully:

v   Make them protectors of other children in roles such as safety patrol.

v   Bullies are sometimes experiencing life situations they can't cope with, that leave them feeling helpless and out of control, help them understand those feelings.

v   They may need to be coached on improving their social skills or how to fit in.

v   Coach them about things they can do if they are feeling aggressive, angry, or frustrated.

v   Teach them how to be a friend, how to make friends, and how friends treat each other.

v   Teach them problem solving skills, use role play when ever possible.

v   Help them generate solutions for the future. "What can you see yourself doing if you get into this situation again."

v   Reward more appropriate behavior.

v   Give children words for their feelings, being aware of feelings, what makes them mad, and how to deal with anger. Teach them better ways to express their feelings.

What is a witness?

v   Witnesses worry whether they might experience similar treatment if they get involved.

v   Change the silent majority of kids who witness bullying but say nothing into a caring majority who are sensitive to each other and know how to disengage bullies.

v   Bystanders have a collective power. Teach them how to use it to protect and defuse a situation.

v   When bystanders intervene the bullying sessions usually only last 10 seconds. When by-stander do nothing they give the bully more power.

v   Kids are more willing to speak up if they if they are aware that bullying is going on.

Teachers responsibility:

v   Intervene if you see bullying happen

v   Listen to student reports of bullying and take them seriously.

v   Investigate all reports, and take notes.

v   Avoid blaming anyone, including the bullying child.

v   Don't tell children to solve their problems themselves.

v   Don't say, "I can't do anything about it unless I see it happen."

v   Instead of waiting for problems to happen have discussions and lessons about bullying, problem solving, making friends. Be proactive and have discussions and lessons before problems happen.

v   Contact parents of children who have repeated bullying offenses. Help them understand that this is ultimately about the well-being of their child.

v   Survey your students about bullying. What do they know about it, does it happen to them, do they know how avoid being bullied, do they know what to do as a bystander, etc.

v   Talk to parents at back to school night about bullying and how seriously we take it at Grovecrest and what the consequences will be for bullies.

v   Teach children it is not OK to treat each other like that.

v   Discuss bullying throughout the year not, just directly after and incident. Class lessons.

v   Discuss how kids are different and how they are the same.

v   Examine the meaning of courage.

v   Promote friendship between student who differ from each other.

v   Promote friendship between boys and girls.

v   Not telling an adult whether a victim or a witness gives the bully power, and does not protect others.

v   Grovecrest has an anti-bullying policy.

• Teach kids:

v   The role and power of bystanders in a bullying situation.

v   How one friend can act as a buffer for bullying.

v   Conversational skills.

v   How to join a group.

v   How to manage conflict between friends.

v   Brainstorm face-saving techniques for dealing with failure in social situations.

v   Practice techniques and role play.

v   The three R's to respond to bullying are: Recognizing, Refusing, Reporting

v   Understand what bullying looks like and sounds like in all forms.

v   Report bulling.

v   Safely refuse bullying.

v   Reinforce and publicly recognize pro-social behavior. Speak about your class as a community. Speak about Grovecrest as a larger community. Responsibility of everyone to create a safe and caring community for everyone.

Rough-and-Tumble play vs. Aggression:

v   Children are free to choose to participate in rough-and-tumble play, but they are often forced or challenged to participate in aggression.

v   Children tend not to use full force in rough-and-tumble play, whereas full force is often seen in aggression.

v   Children are more likely to alternate roles (e.g., chased and chaser) in rough-and tumble play while aggression generally involves unilateral roles.

v   Children tend to stay together after a bout of play fighting while they often separate following aggression.

How to solve problems?:

v   What is the problem?

v   What are some solutions?

v   For each solution ask:

               Is it safe?

               How might people feel?

               Is it fair?

               Will it work?

               Choose a solution and use it.

               Is it working? If not what can I so now?

What to do when you are angry?

v   How does my body feel? How to recognize the feelings we have.

v   Calm down

v   Take three deep breaths.

v   Count backwards slowly.

v   Think nice thoughts.

v   Talk to yourself. - Tell yourself to calm down.

v   Think out loud to solve the problem - go over the problem solving steps.

v   Think about it later.